I run a homeschool group that is open and inclusive to all… sort of. The truth is that, while I want to think we’re a great fit for everyone, we aren’t. Any group can claim to be inclusive, but trying to fit in can be as uncomfortable as trying to get a pair of size 6 jeans up over a size 10 behind.
It’s not just the group I run. Look at any homeschool group’s description and they will almost all describe themselves as inclusive. It’s a noble declaration, but I think most groups fail at this. No group is truly inclusive because it’s rare that ‘one size fits all’.
I do like to think our group has a nice variety of member families. We have a good span of ages, both with kids and parents. People have differing background, skills, interests, and parenting philosophies. Would you fit in our group? Or another group? How can you tell?
You can certainly learn a little by looking up the group online. You might be able to find out more by asking around and it’s definitely helpful to know someone already in the group. However, the absolute best way to decide if the group is for you is to go to some of their events. I know. This requires going into uncharted territory. Easy for some. Hard for others. If new social situations give you anxiety, just imagine the stories you might be able to tell if it’s awful.
“I thought it was just a friendly game of kickball that the kids were going to play. Turns out the parents had to play too and they were dead serious about it. I missed catching the ball and got screamed at by a mom on my team. At length. In front of all the other kids and parents.”
Which would not be funny at the time, but would make for a great story later on. And, it could lead to a good conversation with your kids about what is and is not acceptable behavior during sporting events.
On the flip side, you could be crowned the Queen of Kickball and have the most wonderful experience ever.
Before you embark on that kickball adventure (or whatever the group is offering), take a look at yourself and your kids. What do you want and need out of a group? Usually, homeschool families are looking for:
- Kids of similar ages.
- Parents with similar interests as you.
- Families with a similar religion/philosophy/outlook on life
- Outings/activities that you are interested in
If you find a group that meets at least one of these criteria, you can sometimes get by. For example, maybe you have kids of similar ages but the activities are not quite what you’re looking for. Perhaps the group does weekly board game days and you’d rather go for hikes and explore nature with your kids. Assess the situation. Do you like the atmosphere? Is it worth hanging out for a while to see how things go? You may have to play a few hours of Catan before you ask about hiking.
A note here: Similar interests and outlook may or may not be important. It can take a few meetings to sort out, but you could find that you enjoy time with a person or two whose religious or political beliefs are vastly different from yours. It can be surprising and a good change from your usual circle of friends. You might find that you have other things to bond over. For me, sometimes it’s more important that they ‘get’ my dumb sense of humor than whether we share the same politics.
As a group leader, here are some tips I’d like to share for anyone trying a new group:
- Give the group some time to get to know how awesome you and your kids are. Assume they are slow on the uptake 🙂 While you should expect a friendly and welcoming atmosphere, it may take a while before you feel like you are truly one of the gang. Also, be aware that it can take a few visits to meet all the key players. Not all families show up to all events.
- Be true to yourself and your kids. If the group’s obviously not a good fit for your family, don’t waste your time. There are other groups out there.
- If you do stick around, be supportive. Engage in the offered activities. Volunteer to help with existing projects. Every group needs commitment from its members. This can mean actual volunteering or can be as simple as consistently rsvp’ing early and showing up on time for events.
- Initially, I think you should refrain from offering to plan alternative activities unless you are asked to do so. The group leaders don’t know you. They don’t know if you’ll be around next month and, while you seem to be offering to help when you try to plan your hikes, you’re really just making more work and the potential to splinter the group.
Ultimately, be yourself. Really. Just be your wonderful self and allow your kids to be their wonderful selves as well. There’s a group out there just for you. A homeschool group that will make you and your kids happy. It may not be the first one you try or even the second. Hang in there. You’ll find a home. Or maybe you’ll create a group on your own and it will be your job to give others a home. More on that soon.
Take care, Sarah