I often write about intrinsic motivation, independent learning, and a growth mindset. Just as frequently, I wonder if I’m implying that my family is doing this all perfectly and that you should too. That we all should just sort of float through our homeschool days on a cloud of righteous learning ideals. Well, no. When you aspire to all of these things, it’s important to know how to balance your homeschool expectations with reality.
The reality of homeschooling is a mix of our aspirations and our strengths – all the things that make our homeschool efforts successful and wonderful. And it also includes items that make homeschooling messy – lack of sleep, hormones (theirs and yours), miscommunication, the weather, and more.
While undoubtedly you will have exceptional days, here are three tools to help you stay on track when they’re not so wonderful:
- Play to Your Strengths
- Have Empathy
- Be Flexible
Play to Your Strengths
You have certain qualities that make you an excellent teacher. I’m not referring to expertise in a particular subject. Instead, I’m talking about items like kindness, humor, creativity, and curiosity. Chances are the parts of teaching that really appeal to you rely on these qualities. Emphasize them as much as you can. Read about how to develop confidence in your abilities as a teacher here. And then look at your child’s strengths. How can you combine your strengths for better results?
Have Empathy
We often forget how overwhelming childhood can be. Children need to process and learn an incredible amount of information as they grow. One of my favorite children’s authors, the late Beverly Cleary, portrayed this struggle right time and time again.
‘Now, Ramona.’ Mrs. Quimby’s voice was gentle. ‘You must try to grow up.’ Ramona raised her voice. ‘What do you think I’m doing?’
Your children are usually trying the best that they can. Set reasonable expectations that acknowledge this.
Be Flexible
It’s important to strive to do things well. But recognize that it’s okay to let some things slide. You don’t feel like cooking dinner. You order pizza. Your child doesn’t feel like writing about kite making in China. He produces an uninspired essay. It’s okay. Your family got fed and your child knows that kites are part of China’s history. There’s always tomorrow.
Of course, you can’t go for 18 years saying ‘there’s always tomorrow’. But you can ease up while keeping sight of your ideals. Talk to your children about goals (even when they seem less than receptive). Tell them you don’t expect perfection, just progress. And be flexible. Their progress may take them down roads you never considered.
I know that Mick Jagger was not singing about homeschooling when this song was written over 50 years ago. And yet, I find these three lines pretty appropriate:
“You can’t always get what you want/ But if try sometimes, you might find/ You get what you need.”
As you homeschool, your child probably won’t latch onto your precise vision for them. However, if you allow them to shape their goals and take ownership of them, you’ll find that you will ‘get what you need’ – a young adult who can travel strongly and well on a path of their choosing.
Balance
I have no precise formula for success with homeschooling – how to get your child to tap into their intrinsic motivation, develop a growth mindset, and become independent learners. But I can tell you to keep moving forward. Talk to your children and listen to them. Revisit your why and know how to balance your homeschool expectations with reality.
You’ll have wonderful days and you’ll have difficult ones. Celebrate your days that go well. There will be many of them. And when it’s hard? Play to your strengths, have empathy, and be flexible. You and your children can even blow off some steam when needed – I find Ramona’s method pretty effective:
Ramona clenched her fists and took a deep breath. ‘Guts!’ she yelled. ‘Guts! Guts! Guts!’
Oh, and keep your sense of humor.
Cover photo is me near Brush in eastern Colorado while my birding middle son took photos of Prairie Chickens (a type of grouse).