As homeschool parents, we are in a unique position to listen deeply to our children. We must listen well to teach well. It makes our efforts more focused and relevant. We hear what they say… and what they don’t say. Listening guides how we teach our children and it also enhances our relationships with them.
This summer, I wrote a post about Listening to Nature. I suggested that listening to nature might help us ‘up our game’ when it comes to listening to others. Just a nudge from me in response to a world where a lot of people talk but few truly listen.
There are a boatload of articles out there about teaching students to listen. As always though, I think that it’s best if you can first model the behavior you want to see from your children. For instance, it would be difficult to teach your children not to smoke if you’re a heavy smoker. It follows that you should try to be a good listener if you expect your children to be good listeners.
Why We’re Poor Listeners
I want to share two excellent resources about listening. The first is from the Harvard Business Review. It’s a fairly lengthy article but if you have the time, it includes fascinating information about listening – how and why we’re so bad at it and techniques for improvement. Here’s a quick summary (my interpretation):
- The average listener remembers only 25% of what was said.
- We think much faster than we talk. When we listen, we’re asking our brains to receive words at a much slower pace.
- Our brains use that extra time to wander off.
- Those ‘mental sidetracks’ get longer and we miss much of what the speaker is saying.
How to Improve Your Listening Skills
Here are the four techniques that same article suggests for improved listening:
- Think ahead. Predict where the speaker is going.
- Weigh what the person is saying. Does it support their message?
- Mentally summarize what the person is saying periodically.
- Look for cues with facial expression and body language to determine any additional meaning.
Basically, you’re putting your busy brain to work and keeping it focused on your speaker. By the way, the Harvard Business Review article was written in 1957 (!) but the advice is still timely and relevant.
Listen Well to Teach Well
My second recommended resource was written a couple of years ago by a public high school teacher in New Jersey. It proclaims that listening is a teacher’s most powerful tool. Although written from a public school perspective, it makes a strong case for listening to students in any setting to increase their learning potential.
When you’re busy, it can be hard to slow down and listen. At times, I do have to remind myself to listen. Listening helps me to be a better parent and a better teacher. I know our children want to be heard. They may talk a lot or they may not say too much at all. Either way, they want to be heard. And we can listen.
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